Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Don't mess with a grandma

A new Wendy's opened up not too far from home. My friends, Mary and Cindy, and I decided to have lunch there. We had only just arrived and gotten in line to order when a man stormed up to the counter shoving people out of his way and swearing loudly. Apparently he had gotten his burger with catsup and he had ordered it without. Now this does not seem to me to be a problem of epic proportions. Just ask for a new burger. He, however, felt that they had put the catsup on in a dastardly attempt to ruin his lunch. The little girl working the counter looked about to cry but she bravely faced him and said she would get him a new burger. She took the offending sandwich away and returned a few moments later with a new one. He did not thank her. Instead he swore at her. The line began to move forward again but suddenly the irate man was back.
"This >?#%%ing burger #%#$#ing tastes *##$^ing terrible. You #%#ing  blanks didn't make a new burger you just ##^!!#ing wiped the ""@#^$ing catsup off."
At this point the manager made an appearance. He assured the man that it was a new sandwich and he offered to refund his money if he wasn't satisfied. Instead of taking the refund or a new sandwich the man just continued to curse until he ran out of steam them threw the burger at the poor girl behind the counter and stormed out. We were all relieved but it was short lived. A few moments later he slammed back in and resumed cursing. Apparently catsup on a sandwich was the worst thing that had ever happened to him. The restaurant was full of people. At least ten adult men were in there. There were multiple tables with children. I had had enough.
"Knock it off. We all know you didn't like your sandwich. Now shut up and leave. There are children here and they don't need to hear any more of your foul mouth."
If he was mad before it was nothing compared to now with me telling him to shut up. I wondered idly if he would actually explode. His eyes were bulging out, the whites reddening.His skin turned purple with red blotches. He took a step towards me, spittle flying out of his mouth.
"How dare you....you.... you...." He could hardly spit out the words "You... you.... you're fat!"
"Seriously dude? Ten minutes of vulgar profanity and that's the best you can do?" I laughed at him.
He took another step towards me and I began to smile. I felt my wing men (Mary and Cindy) move up on either side of me. "Bring it on "I thought. I knew they were smiling too. It was at that moment the men in the restaurant finally decided to act. I guess it hadn't bothered them that he had screamed at the poor counter girl. It hadn't bothered them that he had probably taught the children an entire new vocabulary, but it seems they didn't want him attacking a sweet old lady like myself.
They moved to eject him and he gave up, spitting at me his parting curse, "You're still fat"
What the men didn't know was that they needn't have worried about my friends and me. They might have been able to throw the guy out, but we could have turned the sucker into a human pretzel. I am a black belt in karate and my friends advanced karate students and we had just come from a work out at our dojo. We really wanted to try those throws we had just been working.
This is just a cautionary tale. Remember next time you are out and want to throw a temper tantrum. Beware sweet little old ladies. We might surprise you.

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